I'm Blind!!

When I was a kid, all of the old people in my life kept telling me that I needed to take good care of my eyes.

"Don't sit so close to the tv."

"Wear eye protection."

"Don't go outside without sunglasses on."

"Don't read in dim lighting."

blah, blah, blah...

I didn't need to hear all of this. I can see in total darkness and the sun is best viewed with the naked eye. I had excellent eyesight. I could see a flea on a mouse a mile away.  I could see up close and I could see details miles away. My eyes were perfect. I didn't need to worry.

See those trees on top of that mountain over there? No? Let me describe them to you.

You can't read that tiny writing? Here, let me read it to you.

Poor little old blind people. Good thing for them I'm here to save the day with my awesome eyesight.

Even in my 30's I could boast of my eyesight while my family and friends were squinting and tilting their heads to see what I was trying to point out to them. Outwardly, I was understanding and helpful. Inside I was snickering and their optical short comings.

I'm not sure when the clock on the microwave went fuzzy but everyone I've spoken to about fixing it says there is nothing wrong with the digital display. Those people need to get their eyes checked because it's an obvious electircal malfunction and they can't even see it.

My children, both of whom have the same eagle eyes I once had, stick things in my face, inches from my nose. It's like being assualted without being touched physically.

"Mom, look at this." says my son and throws something large and white at my face and all I can see is a big blurry thing. It stops just shy of hitting me. I quickly jump back away from the attack. Now I can see that it is only paper in his hand. He is holding it not throwing it and there are black lines drawn on it.

"Ok, it's paper." I say.

"Yeah, but read what it says."

Read what it says? Those are words? What is that? Font number negative two?

I take the paper and squint at it. I hold it at arms length and tilt my head until I can make out that, yes indeed, those are words on that there piece of paper.

I'm now in my early-ish 40's. I am coming to the realization, I'm almost as blind as a some nocturnal creature with poor eyesight.  I find myself squinting to read the labels. I tip my head back, tilt to the left and right, like any of it is going to make the words suddenly jump out at me.  I find the farther away from my face something is the easier I can focus on it. I even bought a cell phone that let's me magnify the words on the screen.

I refuse to get glasses. I'm not at a glasses wearing age. Glasses are for old people. I don't look anywhere near old.  Don't you have to have grey hair to qualify for glasses? I don't have grey hair on my head yet. See?

What do you mean you can't see?  Put your glasses on.