Where did my mind go now?

If you happen to see my mind wandering around would you be so kind as to direct it back to me? While it's nice to be oblivious to the chaos around me, it might also be nice to figure out how to deal with it other than to stare in confusion and drool.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

You can trust me. Yeah right.

Have you ever had that love at first site moment with anyone? If you haven't, and you finally do, it's a lie. Don't believe it. There is no love at first sight. There may be a moment when you realize that this person will be significant in your life, but don't kid yourself into thinking it's going to be roses and puppies and flying hearts.

Why can't we have the "run for your life this guy's going to ruin you" at first sight moment? Wouldn't that make it easier to live happily ever after? At least there would be some warning. Maybe not a big flashing red light, but something would be helpful.

Believe me when I say I'm not one of those women who needs a man in her life. I don't pine for a husband or daydream about my wedding day. I've been known to go for years turning down would be suitors. I'm almost 45 years old, still single and quite happy about it. If I had ever pined in the past, which I don't remember doing, those days are long gone and forgotten. I'm too old to be trained and too old to want to train.

I'm convinced now that I was right to stay single all these years. I'm much better off as a single than a couple. It's never bothered me to be the third or fifth wheel when I go out with coupled up friends.  Being able to flirt with the cute guy at the next table and not have to worry about my significant other getting jealous suits me just fine.

The thing is, while I used to have a lot of fun flirting and dating when I was single, when I make a commitment to someone I honor it. I'm in it whole heartedly. I don't look around to see what else is out there. I don't do anything I can't tell them about. I wouldn't want it done to me (again) so I don't put another person through it.

I just don't understand why other people can't be the same way.  Is it so difficult to be true to the person you've chosen to be with? I don't think it is, but looking at my past relationships I must be the only one who has this thought pattern.

17 men thought I was wonderful enough to propose to. I didn't say yes to all of them. The very few that I did say yes to, apparently thought that while I was the one they wanted to marry I wasn't the only one they wanted to sleep with. Excuse me? What's up with that? You want to share your life with me and the contents of your pants with everyone else? I don't share my toys. Buh-bye.

Will I date again? I don't know. At this point I'd rather not have a man in my life...ever. I'm not so trusting in this not quite old age I've reached and the professions of love have become rhetoric to my ears. If another man says "I'm not like other men" I'm likely to die laughing at his sincerity. "You can trust me" has become the equivalent of "Hand over your wallet and no one gets hurt."

Date. Not a chance in hell. People ask me all the time if I miss the male companionship. I can honestly say no, I don't. Do I miss having someone to go out to eat with or go to the movies with? Not really. I've been known to take myself out and be quite happy with the dinner conversation.

Besides, I've got my kids and that's really all I need to keep me happy in life. They are my best friends and the reason I have my sanity, although sometimes they are also the reason for my insanity as well. At risk of sounding like Barney, I love them, they love me.  We stick together through the thick and thin of it all. Thank God for my children. I can trust them.

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